Why is it that children can teach us so much? And it always comes at just the right time. And most of the time, they don’t even know they taught us anything. This morning was one of those times.
For the last few weeks, I have been struggling with some things. I don’t know if it’s because this baby is getting ever so close to arrival, or what the issue is exactly, but I have been struggling. Struggling with feeling adequate. Struggling with feeling like a terrible mother. Struggling with organization. Struggling with the unknowns of life. Struggling with trying to figure out where we are going to put another baby in an 800 square foot house. I have been struggling with everything. I still have no specific answers to any of my thoughts and questions, but I did get this answer this morning. God can do anything.
Since Laiyla was so sick last fall, she missed almost two months of school. She has made up quite a bit of that and is getting close to finishing up for the year, but she is still working on school today. Her first class every day is Bible. They say the pledges, sing the National Anthem, then start off with prayer. Once prayer is done, they move onto a few other songs. These songs vary each day. They have quite a few that they have learned throughout the school year so far. One of the songs they sang today is one that Laiyla had learned a long time ago. Out of all the songs they sang today, the one that stuck out to me is called “God Can Do Anything.”
To get the full effect of this song today, you should probably know the setting that we were in while she was singing away. Laiyla was at her desk in the living room working on school. The other kids were running around the house like crazy people and causing all kinds of ruckus. I was in my room with the door shut trying to pray. My bedroom is right off the living room. Laiyla’s desk is right outside my bedroom door, so I could clearly hear everything that was going on in her video.
As I said, I was in the middle of praying when the song “God Can Do Anything” started playing and Laiyla started singing. I was in the middle of, more or less, telling God that I have no idea how this was going to work. I told Him I didn’t know how we were going to fit another baby in this house. I told God that I didn’t know how in the world I was going to be able to homeschool two kids in this house this fall. We can barely keep it quiet and sane enough for one kid to be homeschooled in here while the other little ones are playing. I was basically telling God that I couldn’t do it. As soon as I finished my little pity party, the words, “God Can Do Anything,” came through the door of my room. I just about lost it.
God was, once again, showing me that I don’t need to do anything. I don’t need to handle it. I don’t need to think that I’m the one who has to take care of all this stuff. I don’t need to feel the way I have been just because life is not “perfect.” I don’t need to think that I can, or should, be able to handle it all. God is the only one who can, and should, handle it all. God is the only truly capable one. Yes, we may seem like we have some things under control, but all it takes is one little thing to completely throw our train off the tracks.
Every time something like this comes up to remind me of my feeble state, I always end up having to stop and think about why I needed this lesson. AGAIN. Why can’t I just get it through my thick head? Why does God keep having to put me in my place when I start feeling and thinking like this? I know exactly why. It’s because I am human, and I have a finite mind. No, I’m not stupid. Although, at times, it seems like I am. I have done my fair share of stupid things. But I am human. And all humans have a finite mind. We understand a lot, but we don’t always remember what we’ve learned. Most times we will remember once we are reminded, but sometimes it takes a good reminder before our memory is jogged.
I think I need this reminder (probably more than most people) because I have issues with patience. I know where I want to be in life. I see the path that I need to take to get there. I get impatient when I see everything that I need to do, but I haven’t been given the chance to do it yet. I pray earnestly for God to give me the patience that I need to wait for His timing. But then I start my conversation with God and He ends up having to remind me that He can do anything. I just need to trust and wait on God. Honestly, I have no idea if my patience has grown at all, but I pray that it has. It must not have grown enough if He keeps having to remind me that He can do anything.
So, what is my point? I’m pretty sure my point is more for me than for anyone else, but hopefully it helps someone else too. My point is that I need to wait on God. My point is that I need to hand everything over to God and rely on Him to take care of it. He knows that we barely have room in this house to move. He knows that I get very frustrated and upset by our living situation at the moment. He knows that I need His help to get through all of this.
I keep trying to think of reasons why God would want us to stay in this situation for this long. Now, I know that it’s not my position to question God and try to figure out what He is doing and why, but, again, I’m human. My brain is one that needs to figure things out and understand why some things happen the way they do. It’s how God made me. I’m a problem solver.
I have come up with a few different reasons for why our life has turned out the way it has so far. I doubt any of these are the actual reason why things are the way we are, but it helps my brain to try to figure something out.
My first thought (which could be the actual reason) is because we were not the most diligent with the resources we were handed. Maybe God is trying to teach us to live differently and with a different mindset. Maybe he is trying to teach us to be more responsible. Maybe he wants us to learn our lesson.
My second thought is that God wants to see if we can be content with where we are. Maybe he wants to see if we can be content with little before blessing us with something more. There is a principle about how God will bless with bigger things/responsibilities if we are faithful in the little things.
Every time I think about how little space we have, I remind myself that it could be worse. We could still be living with my in-laws. We had even less space then. We had exactly two bedrooms and one closet when we lived there. That was it. We shared the laundry room, kitchen, living room, and bathroom. There was one bathroom for all nine people in the house. We currently have one bathroom, but at least it’s ours. We don’t share it with anyone else. Just our family. We don’t have to share a kitchen or laundry room anymore either. We still only have one closet, but we also have a “living room” which is actually a walk-in closet and homeschool room at the moment. We needed the extra space for things other than living room furniture. We also have our own dining room table now. I think that is one of the best things. We don’t have to share a table so I can allow the kids to do their art crafts and miscellaneous other things during the day without fear of being in the way of someone else. So, maybe we are still in this house because God wants us to just be content for a while.
My third thought is that God doesn’t want the stress of building a new house and a farm on my shoulders right now. We are wanting so badly to start our own little farm/homestead/whatever you want to call it, but maybe God knows I wouldn’t be able to handle all that right now with everything going on. I currently work full time. I homeschool one child full time. I am the caretaker of the home. I do all the grocery shopping and most of the cooking. I take the kids to all their activities each day. I am VERY pregnant. There are so many things on my shoulders right now. So many things that already stress me to my max most days. Maybe I can’t handle the added work and stress of building a home and starting a farm. When we build, my husband and I are wanting to do a lot of the finishing work ourselves. Maybe that added work is too much for us to handle at the moment. God knows our limits. It’s our job to listen to what He has to say and to let Him lead. God’s ways are perfect. I just need to trust His guidance and leading.
So, as much as I wonder if life is ever going to get easier. As much as I wonder how I’m going to do all of this. As much as I wonder if it’s ever going to happen. I have, once again, been reminded that “God Can Do Anything.” I don’t need to worry about, or even think about, what is going to happen. God has it all under control and will always have my best interests in mind. He will always do what is best for His children. It may not be exactly what we want to hear, see, or have, but God will always do what is best for us. We don’t need to know what is next. We don’t need to know what is going to happen. We don’t need to know when. All we need to know is that “God Can Do Anything.”